That did not excuse him.
It made him smaller.
Less mythical.
Less powerful.
Ethan had spent several nights imagining Dylan as the man Samantha preferred.
The letter reminded him that Dylan was simply a flawed man who had participated in a destructive fantasy.
Ethan did not answer.
Neither did Samantha.
The attorneys closed the financial matter.
Dylan disappeared from their daily lives.
The damage remained.
At their fourth counseling session, Nora asked Samantha a question that changed the direction of everything.
“What do you think Ethan owes you now?”
Samantha looked startled.
“Nothing.”
“Nothing at all?”
“No.”
Nora waited.
Samantha became uncomfortable.
“I mean, I hope he gives us a chance.”
“That is different from owing you one.”
“Yes.”
Nora looked at Ethan.
“What do you think Samantha owes you?”
Ethan opened his mouth.
He thought of honesty.
He thought of remorse.
He thought of the money.
He thought of months of sleep he might lose.
Finally, he said, “I do not know.”
Nora nodded.
“Good.”
Ethan frowned.
“Why is that good?”
“Because repayment is a dangerous model for emotional repair.”
“She cannot suffer enough to make you unhurt.”
“She cannot answer enough questions to make the affair unhappen.”
“She cannot become transparent enough to turn October sixteenth into a different day.”
Nora looked at Samantha.
“Your task is not to pay for the marriage until Ethan feels even.”
“Your task is to become trustworthy whether he remains married to you or not.”
Then she looked at Ethan.
“Your task is not to decide when she has been punished enough.”
“Your task is to decide whether the person she is becoming is someone you can choose again without betraying yourself.”
Ethan did not speak for the rest of the minute.
That night, he drove to the house for the first time since leaving.
Samantha knew he was coming.
He needed winter clothes and several personal files.
When she opened the door, the sight of the entryway stopped him.
Nothing had changed.
The same framed photograph hung near the stairs.
The same narrow bench sat by the wall.
The same ceramic bowl held spare keys.
His home had waited without him.
Samantha stepped aside.
“You can take as long as you need.”
Ethan entered.
He noticed the dark green dress hanging over the back of a chair in the dining room.
His chest tightened immediately.
Samantha saw where he was looking.
“I was going to donate it.”
“Why is it there?”
“I took it out of the closet and then realized getting rid of it might look like I was trying to erase evidence.”
